Sometimes I wish I could be as sweet as I should. Yet it’s often the opposite! I wish I could express my love and adoration by clearly speaking in a soft voice to someone.
Thank you for reading this post, don't forget to subscribe!And yes, the depth of my heart may not be as deep as it should be, it’s just a shallow pond with little or no thriving living organisms at times.
I wished there were words in my mouth to describe my adoration and gratitude to them.
Instead, I still hold it inside me, which sometimes comes out in the opposite. Some reasons were better kept inside me. That’s a little confession here.
Recently, I was awarded an Honorary Doctorate Degree by a Seminary, I don’t know how to react. It will take time to react – whether to appreciate the honor and live with it in my daily life. It may sound strange, yet it’s new to me.
My heart in relationship matters:
I find vulnerability a little scary. While I truly crave deep, meaningful relationships, opening up emotionally doesn’t come easy.
Trusting someone with my truer feelings can feel risky—but when I do take that step, the connection can be incredibly rewarding. I can act out some love although with guilty feeling.
Generally, I tend to take time in relationships, building trust slowly and steadily. And once that trust is there, my loyalty runs deep. I may end up lost in a loop of thoughts.
On the flip side, I lose some of my deepest longings in the process. I am slow to express much-needed words at times. No, I do not feel sorry. It must have been the way destined for me.
Yet a huge nostalgia often followed suit, lasting for long.
If I can push past the fear and allow myself to open up, even just a little, you may discover the kind of fulfilling, heartfelt connections I’ve been longing for.
The core of my heart:
When the core of my heart has given space for someone, I find it hard to let go. That’s a weakness in one way, but also a commitment to love in my life. If I get hurt, it’ll hurt me all along the way, yet it can also turn me the other way.
The depth of my heart, in other words, is the core of my heart. It was when I wrote the chorus, ‘Abide in the core of my heart, create in me a pure heart…’
Letting someone in could be the first step toward relationships that are not only stronger—but more real and rewarding.
Here in the love of God, I find real contentment because I could love him as he first loved me. Even when we were so lost, and did not even know the way back to him, God took the initiative to find him back.
This love abides deep in the core of my heart. Yet I know it’s shallow for God, it may never be enough for God, but sufficient enough to sustain my relationship with him in his grace.
My melting heart:
In the process, just as the core of our planet Earth is melting, my heart melts when love reaches the depth of my heart.
Spoken words do not necessarily touch my heart, but it’s the love that reaches me within. In other words, it makes me emotional to deeply feel the love of God and others sent to me by God. The warm tears flowing out from the heart when reading the Psalms were a treasure to me.
Strangely, it occurs more often to me than before. The easy flow of tears, choking up adoring, appreciating the care and love given to me. Somehow it is related to my neuro-disorder, yet it still feels good to feel the love of God and loved ones around me.
However, still, it doesn’t make me a better person to them. Not that I try to be but I just can’t be nicer. Yet God knows the depth of my heart.
The depth of my heart:
I can’t deny the adoration in my heart
It swells in my heart, beyond my words.
Your love shining so bright in my path
Guiding me forward, day in and day out.
Yet I can’t spill out a sweet song
My admiration for you is boundless,
I remain silent in awe of your love
In the silence, my heart speaks louder.
The emotions I feel, I struggle to say,
The mystery of my true love inside me.
Though words may fail, my soul won’t hide,
For in your presence, my heart is alive.
In your eyes, my love finds a home,
A place to rest, when I’m weary.
So let me cherish this love so true,
And let it shine, for me and for you.
#confession
#lifestyles
