An Old and Rusty Small Boat: an ode to Faith and Fear

One evening, two friends were late from work on their way back home.  Darkness was descending fast.  All their friends reached home already.  They were more tired than yesterday.  But they have to cross a river on their way home.

All the boat seems to have left already.  There was this old and rusty small boat, which was left for them. They feel lucky to have one anyway.

Someone was spying on them, they felt.  Near the bush, was an old man who came forward and offer help in their situation.  For the two friends, it was awesome to have company in this situation, so they welcomed him warmly.

A second old man was approaching them, who told them he was always there in this kind of day.   Now they had two old friends with them.  They looked experience in whoever the field they worked.

“We don’t need to introduce ourselves.  Soon you will know who we are,” they said. “But we are not good friends, anyway,” the second old man added.

Now they boarded the old and rusty boat.  The river current was stronger than yesterday.

Soon the second old man said alarmingly, “we should go back.  We are going to get drowned, we wont make it to the other side.”  The two friends don’t know what to do.  In reality, what they heard seems a good advice in their situation.

The first old man watched them patiently.  He uttered, “As long as this old man is here, we won’t be able to move forward.   We must throw this old man in the water.”

“Why?” they asked astonishingly.

“Look young man, my name is Faith.  His name is Fear.” He said.

“So?”

“Fear and Faith cannot be on the same boat,” he added.  “And that is why we are not good friends.  But we happened to exist together everywhere.”

So they threw Fear in the river and strive forward to cross the river despite the strong current.   They crossed the river and that is when Faith told them he did his job.  So they thanked him and go their own way.  Had the first old man not win the game, they might go back or drowned in the river too.

This happens many times in life.  Let no fear defeat your faith in God.  Have faith to pursue your goal.

A Surprise and stunning words from my Son: A privilege

We were sitting in the living room engaged in our own interest.  We did talk in between just to speak our mind.  The small conversations we had are unexpected and prompt. My son looks weaker than yesterday.  He was not sick as yet.  The next day, he had mild fever.

From where he was sitting, my son told me he wanted to say something. When  I nod my head, signaling  him to go on…

“Papa, you know, during those days when you and Mommy go to office everyday.  I used to be very lonely and I cried most of the time,” he said.

“Oh my! was it?” I said.  It was very shocking and I was surprised to hear that from his own lips.  He was only 5 years old by now, and how could he remember that and come up with.  It left me stunned.

“I was alone at home,” my son continued. “I was with one person (our helper at that time), I used to sit near the telephone set waiting for your call.  In between, I used to cry a lot.  You should not leave me like that anymore.”

“Oh! sure, darling,” I replied quickly.  “Now, why did you say that, son?”

“Because Papa, I miss you so much.” He said.  Those were his lonely days he can recalled.  I never thought he would feel that way.  Nor do I believe he would still remember those days. As life goes on, we have to work that way to earn our living.

I explained to him every little details of life as much as I can.  “If God permits that will not happened again,” I assured him.

Now that being said I try to recollect those days.  Every morning,  when we left home for work I saw him sobbing most of the time, although we tried our best to let him understand the situation.  I do feel happy to call from work but sometimes only to hear his cry.

Now I feel happy I can be with him, although I sometimes missed being busy at work.  This kind of day with my son makes my decision to quit work to stay with them more encouraging.  It was an emotional day.  We respect his Mommy for her hard work and care for the entire family.

I tell this not to convince people and not to seek support.  But I tell this because it kept me motivated and out of love for my children.

It is a great privilege to spent most of your time with someone who really needed you and love you purely.

Living with Epilepsy: A Neurological Condition

Fresh out of college, he was ambitious and happy.   To meet his immediate financial needs, he secured a job in one Multinational Companies.  Now, he was able to buy himself books and practice books for competitive exam in the Public Sector.  Moreover, his joy doubled when his parents agreed with his decision to marry his sweetheart.

Oh! What is that!  While working in his workplace (backend office operations) , first attack of epilepsy came in.  He didn’t know it was epilepsy though.  Nor did he know how severe it was.  However, medicines help him keep the epilepsy under control.  It seems nothing serious is coming to come up soon.

Just after one year, his hard work paid off.  He had a chance to switch his job and he started working in banking sector.   The Bank happened to be the largest PSU bank in the country.  There they lived happily for the moment.  Almost everything seems to fall in place for the time being.

Soon his medication had to be altered many times during which series of hallucinations and side effects of the medicines become a nightmare.  Many times he had to bear the brunt of the illness in his workplace and worst effect was in his preparation for competitive exams (for jobs).  But still, he was lucky enough to secure Masters Degree in Political Science over a period of time.

They had been blessed with a son and a daughter after five years of their marriage.  It was a game changing moment for them.  It gave him a new lease of life.  They are the pupil of his life.  But they are living in a place far off from their parents.   It was hard to find help in times of need.  So he left his full-time job to be with his children while his wife worked hard to put meal on the table.  She became the sole bread earner for their family, home away from home.

Nine years since the first attack of epilepsy, the Doctors advice the need for brain surgery to remove the affected portion of the brain.  With no choice available, he willingly underwent right Amygdalohippocampectomy (removing the Amygdala).  The surgery was a success it seems.  He recovered well.  But one more episode of status epilepticus* occurred just one month after the surgery.

After the surgery, he had what they called associated migraine, which becomes a major hindrance in everyday life.  But with the help of medicine it can be controlled at some level though.  Life was a challenge and privilege for him to live.  The illness becomes a major source of his strength in the Lord.  His prayers keep him moving.  The Lord God was good enough to spare his life and grant him a chance to be with Him closely.

At times he was depressed but was lucky he has good people by his side to help him recover.  His wife and children are his cheerleaders for the many moody days that come more often.  He wondered, living with epilepsy was a privilege in some way or not.  There he was, waiting for better times to come along the way in life.  Each day he has something to battle by himself, whether mild or severe pain.  Life is hard and that makes it worth living.

Hope, yes hope is all he had.  That too, he almost lost it sometimes.  Many times he prayed to his God to give him the chance to guide his children in the light of the Lord till they become an adult.  Also, to fight for or with them when life’s tempest tossed.

Dear Lord, kindly grant him his prayers but as it is Your will be done on earth.  Give him the courage to live on till he came home to be with you!

*a dangerous condition in which seizures last too long or follow one another without recovery of consciousness between them.

Into the woods, long-lost dreams

There they go into the woods.  Treading down the muddy path, trailing behind a herd of their domestic buffaloes. Dressed in shabby clothes, which either too large or too small for them.  Anyway it suited their surroundings, it seems.

They would slipped or the grass cutting them in almost everywhere on their body.  They have no time to care for their wound.  They said to each other, “Time will heal.” That’s what they can afford the most.

They would often recall their friends enjoying their new series of video games.  In the woods, under the rain what can they do?  While the buffaloes are enjoying the downpour, there’s nothing to enjoy for them.  They waited patiently for the rain to go while they shivered uncontrollably.  Their body becomes pale due to excessive rain.

“Oh! where are our buffaloes?” shouted the elder brother.  For they wouldn’t dare to go home without them.  The animals are their liability as of now. They are the 20th Century village boys living in the hills of the Eastern Mountains*, nearby the Khuga river.

The rain had stopped at last.  However, it was too slippery to roam around in the wild.  They sat in the grass waiting for their shabby clothes to get dry.  They discussed their dreams for the future when they can earn their own living.  Sometimes their words seems to get lost in the woods itself.  However, they are contented as they  have hopes.

“We shouldn’t be here for long.  Let’s get going,  when the time comes we will be able to change our living conditions,” they said hopefully.  Now that they found their buffalo herds, and it’s time go home.

Now, with time flying by, the elder brother always work hard.  But……he’s gone too soon.  They are not able to work on their dream project together.  It seems like a long-lost dreams now.

*Purvanchal Range in eastern Himalayas.

A Good Name

What’s in a name?  asked one writer whom I came across in my younger days.  I am not trying to answer that question here though.   All names are meant to be good in some way or the other.  However, a name has something to it.  It has something to do with its existence, and that is why we have a name.  Everything has a name.  Even the tiniest discoveries or inventions are given a name sooner or later.  That given name signifies something.

For a Business Company, sometimes name is all what it got to do the  selling.  Curious customers and users sometimes go by the name and what is promise by the name.  Although all are not content with they got. Smaller companies try to benefitted from the morphed name of bigger Companies, and that is common in today’s world.  No doubt everyone wants to make quick buck out of nowhere.

Some names has been associated with scams, looting, and even great loss for humanity.  Charles Ponzi, Lehman Brothers might ring a loose bell in some investors ear. That is how the name becomes associated with.

Tyranny, anarchism, democracy, all have a name or more associated with them.  Some personalities in history of the world can sent spine-chilling sensation just by the name.  Even some political figure have an era attached in their names.  By now, some might be allergic to hear the name of Donald Trump (POTUS) and vice versa.

One have a short span of time for creating a good name.  The same holds true for creating or misusing one’s  name.  For the long run a good  name is more important than being having fame, money, wealth, and riches.  Well, how do you want people to think of you when you’re gone.  That says a lot.

“A good name is more desirable than great riches; to be esteemed is better than silver or gold.” King Solomon (Proverbs 22:1)

The Fear of Nothing

Future is a mystery at some level.  Being a mystery instill some kind of fear in our mind.  One cannot be always optimistic.  That is natural.  Too much focusing in the present problem may lead to unwanted thoughts.

Health problems, finance, love life are a threat sometimes. However, reflecting on the good things in the past will help at that time. There is nothing happening on us that won’t benefit us.  That is hard to understand, and I knew it.  But I am not providing the solutions here.

 “Do not fear” was mentioned 366 times in the Bible. These are enough for the 365 days of a year.  However, we failed remind ourselves everyday about these comforting words.

I happened to came across some people who loss appetite and fear for the future among the younger generations.  Just the words are empty if we failed to recognize who owned the words.  Try to spend time with Him and called for external help also.  Remember everyone face that situation over different issues.

‘Fortune favors the brave’ we were told. The braves also had fear but they overcome it.  When the braves failed it becomes more severe.  We have to prepare for this and know how to live in the moment.   Preparation may not be enough at times though. Take rest and wait for a while.

It is better be unsuccessful than achieving our goal by any means.  Remain calm.  Life will take its course. The moment you become content you overcome that fear of nothing.

Wait, keep on waiting on the Lord.

My Child My Care-giver

It has been years that I had suffered from right temporal lobe epilepsy.  Lucky enough to have suffered only two attacks at which I was completely unconscious, the other times it was only mild like not being able to move my leg, repeated twitching of eyelid, numbness in the arm, hallucinations, and many more. With the help of medicine frequent attacks are prevented, although I was as if always half awake even during day time.

It was one of those days when I have experience some mild migraine-type headache. I was with my two and a half year old son, alone at home.

I would often say, “Son, I’m gonna lie down for a while because I have headache’’.

He would bow his head in agreement.

“Whenever you want to pee or use potty, you can let me know’” I added.

He would watch his favorite Television program without disturbing me.

But at times he would come to me and said, “Papa, you asleep?” and would touch my head.  When I told him that I’m not asleep, he would go back to watch TV again. After a while, he would come back with the same routine. It became his duty to look after me till I get better.

My son, my friend, and my caregiver!