Some medical scan results were averse to what you wanted to hear, but you need to know. Your mind is racing, searching for a reason, but paused there for a moment in the cool period.
Thank you for reading this post, don't forget to subscribe!However, for some people who are kind enough to help, there must be a reason, they often pointed specifically. The medical practitioners were way cool off by then.
Does everything have a reason? This question becomes my own struggle with life, which kept ringing in my ear as a person with a chronic neurological disorder.
Am I that bad a person to go through this? Yes, I admit I’m not a good person. God will take care of every little thing – I was taught when I was young.
This must be it, yes, it should be, and it has to be.
Wait, does that lessen the pain and the attack? No, maybe not yet.
Should there be a reason, I am ready to hear. Yet it doesn’t come that easily.
There must be a reason!
I have nothing left with me; I surrender it to God. I’ll starved to death if God doesn’t take care of the useless me.
Reasons for my struggle:
You can be healed. Yes, I know.
Can I be healed? Yes!
I am poor in faith. Does my faith not deserve healing? Maybe that’s the reason.
I hear testimonies of people who get healed. So, in my mind, I became the black sheep.
Some people, trying to encourage me, told me straight in my face that I might really lack faith. That too, it is fine with me because they testify that they got healed by their own praying.
So, I often prayed that my heart be humbled enough to see the upside of adversity.
It was on March 14, 2017, that I began writing as the Lord spoke. Just scribbling, musings, and reflecting on my past life and probable future.
Searching for reasons:
Unable to focus on my career, my search for reasons led me to several medical web pages and research. Yet it was when I realized it would be better for me to learn more about the word of God.
When the Psalmist cried, I think I found a friend. I’m comforted.
Life will break us, but God will heal our hearts. Jesus suffered way more than I!
I wanted to believe in the prosperity gospel, but it’s not for me now. I spend most of my time with God in my troubled state, in the hospital room, and at home alone. I found a friend in solitude.
It was when the word of God from the scripture was revealed to me in my dream that I had to go after it, studying.
All my worries were addressed in Matthew 6:25-34; it was as if, ‘Don’t worry, do not fear, I will take care of everything.’
From an officegoer to being unable to work added a lot of burden to someone with a family to look after. Not only that I lost my independence; I feel like withdrawing from all communities. Stereotyping in a set of criteria by society did hurt at times. However, God has provided us with our needs!
Anxious moments were there, but we will not ask or beg for money from anyone, we told ourselves, because we have Jehovah Jireh!
Struggling and reasoning:
My struggle simply did not end here. Yet the reason for some of it has been revealed. It made me more focus on the providence of God. The compassion of God renewed every morning. Lam. 3:22-23
I thank the Lord, my God, for all of you who encourage me with your kind words when I started putting out my mind here. It was not the best of writing nor a good read.
I understand that sometimes my words were so blunt that they didn’t sound right. It is because I didn’t seem to have the sour taste of life for quite some time now, which further caused mental, physical, and emotional imbalances.
Some of you are kind enough to send me your work through which I, too, may gain wisdom and be one among the overcomers.
Reason for the future:
God is kind enough to give me a reason to live for the future. I pray that I be a useful vessel for the kingdom of God.
Until last year, 2025, I have published more than 12 books despite my physical frailty, and again I thank you all for your support.
I have been awarded PHD and a D.D, both Honorary Degrees, by the grace of God, by NCTS, Fl, USA, after fulfilling their criteria. Thank you for your assurances in the Lord; after all, we are trying to live the best life possible, for which the realization often comes late.
“It is not death that a man should fear, but he should fear never beginning to live.” Marcus Aurelius
Please pray for my complete recovery so that I may be fit spiritually and physically, proclaiming the reason for my hope to many in times to come.
May the peace of God be with you, to those who love Christ with the help of the Holy Spirit, by his grace! Amen