“Dear God, my Papa’s brain is broken. He is experiencing too much pain. Please heal my dear daddy,” uttered my son in his bedtime prayer, as we are about to settle down in the bed. The next day, his subdued voice filled with emotions as he prayed, rang in my ear as I stayed home.
He continued, “Papa’s almost lost his patience, sometimes, as we played. But we loved him lots. Give us a new home; our room’s old and dilapidated. We need new car; bigger and faster, please…… Thank you for keeping me safe today….. In Jesus’ name, I pray. Amen!” These are some of the concerns of my six-year-old.
As he said his prayer, I was sitting up with him the whole time as pillar of support. Many times, what he tells God mesmerized me. Now, he curved his arm around my neck; trying to get a goodnight sleep. Although some parts of my body get numb, I prefer not to move before he’s fast asleep; I wanted to treasure the moment.
Into the hands of his guardian angel he’s sleeping tight, as I looked at him. I don’t know what crosses your mind, if you are a parent, when you look into your children and sometimes your wife, sleeping peacefully in your presence. As for me, it gives me the feeling of contentment and reminded me of my due obligations towards them as well.
If not for the goodness of God, it’s beyond the task of a person not to steal their peaceful sleeping in the least. It would be an arduous task for people like me to earn their trust; not worthy of being called a parent in my limited knowledge and sour innate being.
Well, for first time readers let me recap a bit: Just two years had passed, since I decided to become a stay-at-home-dad, when I underwent brain surgery. A part of my brain needs to be dissected, to simply put it, as it is broken (children version). So, the doctors did it, which still needs medication along with the associated migraine till today.
About the Prayer:
Let me try to clarify what prompted my child to say those things to God. Well, broken brain is one way of saying but let’s called it partially broken brain, in the least, as it might sound harsh to you.
Few years down the line, I taught my kid how to pray. I told him that praying was a way of communing with God. So I encouraged, ‘say something to God’, speak your mind, and that’ll be it. And that’s what he did when he prayed as I told you in the beginning.
Now, a broken brain disturbs normal living, at some level. For instances, it can developed some unwanted snag in the middle of work, followed by pain or vertigo. In the process, it limited my brain activity and physical movement meagerly.
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Much of the bigger problems caused by the broken brain are made known, by my children, to God. The rooms where we lived needs attention or at least there are things that need to be done. And I knew it well. However, for everything you need to have some extra bucks and run around meeting people, which is off the card as of now.
Our parked car was hit by someone sometime ago, which needs repairing. There’s no enough money to repair it right now. So, I told him many times, we’re good with it, till the vehicle kept running. However, they are meeting friends in schools and church so it is possible they must have talked about it.
Patience, I sometimes lack it. Well, not sometimes, most of the time. In our case, there are times when it is difficult to keep with the playful mood of my children while enduring the pain in my head. Also, my noise toleration level becomes extremely low, which creates a problem in certain times even though I tried to control or let loose as much as possible. And I wanted to spend good times with them.
Storytelling, which every child enjoyed, needs time axing. The broken brain somehow manipulated the nerves to get tired very easily. Further, the side effects of my medicine intake caused vomiting feeling in the most inappropriate time as we narrated stories.
Some More Obligations:
My broken brain narrowly cut down the probability of me working again earning money for the family, helping my wife. I understand that it is the need of the hour for me to work again, at least for some time. A stable financial condition is relieving although it did not solve all problems.
Certain number of times, due to my broken brain, it is difficult to keep up with several obligations; an obligations within the family, in the church, as a parent, and as a human being. As you know, we are bounded by necessary obligations in our life. And as a living person who can run-away from these obligations? Let’s face it and perform as much as we can until we drop.
Well, let me make it clear that I am not complaining here. My health is getting better. However, if someone thought this piece is disturbing and not fit for public reading, please let me know. I’ll trim it down, as I did in some face book post propelled by my broken brain.
As I said, I’m recovering in the abiding grace of God. In His time, the Lord will restore me completely, if it’s is in His will and if it’s going to benefit me. But for now, I’m happy with the people around me, if they don’t mess unnecessarily. Should my illness not consume me in some way or the other, it is enough.
Water out of the Dry Rock:
But with the HOPE, in God, of realizing the goodness and plan of God through this pain, I’ll endure it. For I believe, the Lord my God had the water flowing out of the dry rock, quenching the thirst of his people. (Exodus 17:6) It is a story which features in our story time, number of times. The ways of God are superior and difficult to understand by human, especially in my broken brain.
The dry rock, which simply existed in the dry desert land, might seem useless for the weary travelers. But it becomes of the source of water for the people who trust in God. (Psalms 105:41) I believe that our God had laid the once useless rock lying there for ages waiting for the time to become useful. And it’d be a great joy to become that rock!
None could fathom the work of God. Instead mankind is focusing on discrediting His glory, by use of modern technology nullifying the name of God and His work, once we become established and stable. This practice goes on to becoming the modern culture and traditions in this age.
Broken for God:
Now, broken for God is totally a different thing. When people are broken for the sake of Christ, the resultant product is useful for the believers and for him. It is a distant dream to attain this stature. Normal people wouldn’t be able to pay the price for it.
When God broke people; He surely restores them again. It is comforting to say here that God simply didn’t forget His kingdom people. In the midst of their captivity, wilderness, suffering, and affliction, He was with them. I couldn’t elaborate in details here, but it is true should you inspect from the Bible.
It is comforting because the Lord sees what’s happening in the tiny cells of the body. Parts of it might be broken but as long as it is functioning it is okay. If and only if, this brokenness is for the God himself to be glorified it’d be worth the suffering.
Until and unless, the giver of life (Job 33:4) takes back His gift let’s commit to lived on.
My God, the giver of life;
In You, flows the river of life.
Break, mold, and shape me
In the likeness of you,
I wanted to grow.
Remember my broken state,
Do not turn away from me.
Broken, useless here I lay;
Squeeze the sweetness out of me,
If it’s in Your will.
Cleanse me with thy blood;
Shed for me in Calvary’s Cross.
Don’t let me be consumed;
Hold me close lest I fall
I will cling to You.
