From the Sidelines

Today I hold ’em in my arm
They enjoy laying back on me
My whole body a nest for them
Yet uncertainty worries me
Will they be happy
With what I can offer
From the sidelines

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They may want more,
Will need more in life
With them from the sidelines
Not the way I planned to raise them
I want a better life for them
Will I be able to build a house
From the sidelines

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A home for us in the future
Where we’d rest in our last days
But now I’m not owning a plot of land
People are buying for extra savings
And that is not the way
I had planned before
Not from the sidelines

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As the dark days kept coming
I’m confused about the next steps
They looked up at me expecting
To do more for me and them
It’s not enough, their eyes told
For now I’m just a dad
From the sidelines

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Only my God will lead us
Will they be happy?
Would I be happy?
Only my God knows best
Oh! I’m just a dad
From the sidelines

Some years down the line, I began treading ‘the road less taken.’ I have resigned from my banking job to care for my children. I’m hoping of a rebound once the home-front improved. I want them to feel the touch of their loving parents – let’s build an emotional bond.

From the Sidelines:

Yes, I also understand emotions, which we sometimes called humanity, is highly devalued in this contemporary world. So when I plunged into this line it feels like I’m downgrading myself in looking after a house – from the sidelines.

Bark like a dog with empty pockets and status; yet I would protect them like tree bark in even in my dilapidated condition. In the interim, had I known my health would get this much worsen,I would not leave my pensionable job, at least to cover my health and other expenses.

So this is the likely song of a father-at-home whose time doesn’t come yet for a rebound. In other words, I’m just a father who is paying close observation with empty pockets covered by layers of chronic illness.

Treasuring:

For now, I am contented with their words when they told me that they will take care of us – their parents in our old age. It’s promising and I hope that we won’t need so much of their time and caring. Yet it makes life worthy.

Only one exception though, I am teaching them the way of life as Jesus the Son of God intended to the best of my gift and knowledge. This treasure, God’s willing if they can keep it in their heart they’d be one among the blessed people on earth and beyond.

Derailed and Rerouting:

In our life, we treasure the little joy we saw in our darkest period. For us, the time before and after my brain surgery where my wife was coerced to juggle her time for work, child care, and being me in the hospital ICU, sometimes in the ER, had taught us so much about life. Lots of love and appreciation for my wife – a mother and a breadwinner, and care-giver for the family, despite all odds.

It’s a toss of the kind we did not anticipate.

So we put it out in the form of books and here in my site, which I maintained even in my unlikely state. I’m glad my son had also helped me in developing the voices we heard during these times.

Just as I had written in one chapter of my book “Whose Plan is It Anyway?” it’s an unlikely plan of life yet the grace of God sustains our life.

Our Books till Now:

Some of the books we have published so far include – Unconsumed: In His Abiding Grace, Walking Outside the Garden, and Surviving with God.

My next likely book will be titled From the Sidelines, which I am still working on it. This book will feature the goodness of God as seen from the life of a Chronically ill at-home dad.

Waiting for a Rebound:

We are praying and waiting on the Lord although not withholding his provision for us. We have hope in our ill health and our living condition will get better. The time will come. Everything has its time. we need to learn the art of patience and perseverance.

Once the rebound of life is in our grab, we’ll look back with a joyful heart the times we had together while feeding each other the word of God to the best of our knowledge and belief. All for Jesus!