“Jesus…Jesus, heal my father…I’m afraid.” (Repeating over and over again)
They were very nervous … needing solace. I saw them crying – tears running down their smooth cheek. Yet there’s no time to wipe them off.
The situation got worsened – I dropped down on our bedroom floor. With their mother, they are helping me not to hurt my head. They held me firm yet soft. Still, their tears did not run dry.
“Hold your father, we’ve got to do something.” She’s searching and loading medicines for my injection – she’s a nurse.
They held me, I’m trying hard to stay awake or conscious. Oh, but I’m hardly in my full sense. For my children who are just seven and four years old, it would be hard to endure with.
So, I try forgetting myself as much as I can at least giving them some comfort. Neuron behavior in the brain activates our movement smoothly but erroneous neuron behavior is perilous.
“Don’t worry…Oh, don’t worry…I will be alright,” I tried saying to them, “Please pray for me.” And my boy really did, except that I was unable to know what really happens next. Maybe they kept on sobbing or their mother would warmly calm them down.
Since I woke up the next day from my bed, I came to know that Mommy and children put me on the bed. It’s another day with seizures. One more thing I noticed was – my shirt and shorts also got changed to clean clothes.
The Morning After:
The next morning, I asked my four-year-old daughter who’s readying for school, as I sat with her.
“Did your Mom gave me an injection yesterday” Yes, she did.
“But, Where?” I did not see it as yet.
Here, in your left arm. “So I had my dinner yesterday?” No, Dad.
“Did you sleep well yesterday night?” (Since I don’t remember anything)
Yes, Dad. (She replied positively.) My brother will be performing in our school today. (He bags a role in Dramascape for Inter-School Competition. And I’m supposed to drop him with fully dressed for the role. My wife did that too.)
“How I wish God would heal you soon……” She said almost to herself although I could hear it.
Typically, reiterating on chronic sickness, oof, never was a good cup of tea to anyone – to the one who expresses it and the one who are nearby them. Any clap-back or response have a sensitive impact on the person. So, in my own opinion, many people chose to remain quiet although letting it out helps a lot.
Second Choice World:
(a) Chronic Hope:
The chronic sickness, surgery, and many more are not anticipated when I resigned from my job. My main purpose was to take care of my children. I couldn’t afford to leave them somewhere or with other people except my family for a whole day.
The idea of resigning from pensionable and a career promising job, in some way, too absurd and conservative to even think of it in the modern world in our craze for a good life. Anyway, it’s been six years since I stay home with my children; 20th August – the day I gave my Exit Interview.
We feel safe when we’re together. By “we” I meant to say we are happy both ways. It was not the kind of life we’ve dreamed off but it becomes our second choice world. You cannot always bag your first choice in everything.
Plans are made to dream big, fight for it, and never giving it up. Yet things of the world – derailing, detouring happens. It makes us sad, really sad! Moreover, some people really looked down on you as if saying, “I knew it!”
However, it is a hope of becoming a “overcomers” someday whether near or far, I confide my trust in the Lord. It is not a choice to become chronically ill yet I’m glad to come into terms with the Jesus Christ becoming my chronic hope!
(b) Insecure Insurance:
I have had my share of working in the finance sector. So, I knew a few about insurance policies – accidental, life, pension, children, education, housing insurance, vehicle insurance, and many more. All are good yet it’s hard to get insured by yourself without paying the premium.
My monetary insurance, for now, comes through wife. My wife’s working hard and I thank God for that. As for me, my pensionable job has gone. And I believe it’s a way of life that is in store for me although I will continue to strive forward. Unbelievable it may appear but sometimes ‘hard times’ work well for some people.
Just before I wrote this I flash a quick petition to the Lord, which gets me relief and makes me feel secure in his words. It’s about the situation of one of our investments we made some years ago. Economies are unstable these days, radicals are on the rise, and we’re living far away from home.
(c) Child Rearing:
What I fear the most is my children might feel ashamed because of my illness. People and friend might mock them, at school and school buses. So, many times we prayed before God to lift this sickness from me. But the answer we decided not nor do we wanted to tell God the way he should act. God is dominant over us!
As we spent the day and night together, I wanted them to have the assurance God always works out the best for us. There should be no doubt to it. If not, there is a fear they too might feel insecure throughout their life all because of me.
In my second choice world, it’s an obligation on my part to let them understand and instill the seed of trust and hope in their heart. Furthermore, it can be a tool for me and my family to shape and mold us in the likeness of His own Son.
“Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power.” Ephesians. 6:10 and If God is for us, who can be against us? From the LORD comes deliverance.
We can enjoy life in the abiding grace of God even in our second choice world. The grace of the Lord is open for all who believes in the sacrifice of his own son. Topping all circumstances we can always run to the Lord for help, as my families had done: “Heal my father, Jesus!” (Pass me not!)
