I lose my other horsepower some time ago. It’s different now!
There were times when we took turns to read with my children what it does and even joked about it.
My brain surgery has cost me a part of my frontotemporal region, which my doctor has suggested for a better living.
Here, I called it as horsepower because the hippocampus in our brain is shaped like the sea horse. I came to know that all parts or cells in our body play a pivotal role in keeping the body rolling.
Sometimes I was simply reminded of my high school days when I could read and learn smoothly and easily. Now, it is a bit different. One thing I dislike about what’s going on right now is that it’s very difficult to learn new things now.
To follow the step by step instructions, and learning from the DIY videos on YouTube can be disheartening. It hurts the mind, which easily gets heated up. Yet there were many things I did, Ido, and I wanted to do.
Two horsepower:
I’m talking about the sea horse-shaped hippocampus in our brain in a lighter vein. I thank God that the other one is still intact and working!
Furthermore, the other lobes of the brain were working with certain exceptions. The days of the past when I was in full swing were gone. However, I’m living a privileged life although it’s more of like a rollercoaster ride now.
A few changes were inevitable. Its main aim was for me to become tractable once again. (Kindly read as the opposite of intractable in medical terms.) Such a stubborn me!
Life’s funny how things turn out to be this way.
Our path, my path, changes suddenly, either way, I am adjusting or acting according to situational demands.
‘You’re not ambitious enough,’ people called me. They were right in their perception of life. However, deep in my heart I felt I did what I was supposed to do. It just that there was another plan for me which I did not know at that time.
We only live once. From my experience, there were other things I valued more than money and status. I will not carry them with me when I cross over to the other side of life.
However, I’m not comfortable to labelled as being in the lower rank of the society or community just because I’m not holding a position in offices or workplace. There were times when I envy who can still work despite their health setback. I know it won’t be easy, but….
Then, I also knew it was going to hurt my reputation and emotions. Yet that’s how it is for now.
The after-effect of losing my one-horse power is visible in my daily life. Yet I’m happy to get enough sleep and wake up by the angel the next morning.
Now let me admit that I’m slower with one horsepower – my interest needed pruning as well as my daily activities.
The sources of power:
I did not feel powerless. Yet I knew some of my desires would never be met if God didn’t work wonders on me. I can (am able to) do all things through Him who strengthens me. Phil. 4:13 CSB
However, I am fine with what God has done for me. It is better to remain thirsty, but not led astray by my desires or wants.
Our wants and ambitions were both the driving force to carry on and sometimes get depressed in life as well. The joy of the Lord is my strength. Nehemiah 8:10
The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and he helps me. My heart leaps for joy, and with my song I praise him. Psalms 28:7-8
And you know what I wanted to achieve more if it’s for the glory of God.
If not, my God will provide me contentment because he saw me and my inner being. It is he who raised me out of nothing.
More Power:
So, one or more horsepower in the hands of God is more than what is required to run the race of life.
In my weakness, I am strong in God. It is my prayer that in my weakness more of the power of God be revealed. 2 Cor. 12
Lately, I have been burdened with empowering those who we weak spiritually and physically. In other words, people with chronic disorders or other issues in life which weakened physically and spiritually.
It would be more like comforting and spreading the word that God uses our weaknesses to empower us. I will talk more about it in the coming days.
More power to God in his abiding grace even when my horsepower has been reduced. More power to God; less of me in the shadow!
Pray trust wait!
