Outburst is the weakness I had since I can remember. It is the emotional side of me, which, I sometimes enjoyed and wanted to overcome. In certain ways, it helps me release bits of me and in other way it’s something I can’t tolerate with.
By definition, outburst is sudden release of strong emotion (emanating from the inside of us). Its synonyms are of outbreak, spasm, outpouring, outpouring, welling up, and many more. Here I’ll be using some of them as it deems fit.
First, let us talk about the outburst I did not enjoyed and then we’ll moved onto the next. Last week, picking the nearest, we went for watching a soccer game of the team we supported. Not long has gone before the fans outburst into deafening cheers around the stadium.
With my own ability, I had been analyzing the game before, which makes it hard for me to bear the emotion inside me. The fans cheering, the emotion inside, and my neurological weakness resulted into twitching around my face and several parts of it. It angered me – the insdie of me felt disappointed, in comparison with my last outing three years ago, as I couldn’t enjoy the match.
As it goes, I retrieved myself from the chaotic atmosphere into the back end tunnel until I regain my normal self. Then it’s hard to rejoin my children, which I felt bad, due to this weakness. The outburst of others disturbed me and I was subdued to emotional pain, which I felt even the day after.
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Second, the emotional and spiritual outburst I’d enjoyed is when I long for the presence of a loving arm. Many times I had my emotional outburst before God. The days in the Prayer Cabin, some sixteen years ago, were filled with tears.
The eyes welling up due to happiness and longing for the word of God, which I usually don’t wanted others to see, were spent in those cabins. What I enjoyed the most was; the words from the Bible and the hymnal books going straight to the heart, which causes the heart to melt.
In the daylight when I’m home by myself if I’m not developing serious sickness, since I’m a Stay-at-Home-Dad for now. It doesn’t happen at times but when I’d picked up my guitar and sang from my heart. You kept on singing even though the words cannot come out from my mouth.
My eyes are welling up as I keep strumming my guitar with a song in my heart. The chest gets choked, the tears are running down the cheek, but they’re not going to stop this time. The hands will not wipe them, the heart is melting. How beautiful is the love of God; I’m accepted to sing the praise of the Most High!
Tears is one of the gift of the Holy Spirit, the gift that makes the heart melt in our desires for the Almighty and in adoration of His great works and salvation. A heart in full repentance is likely to melt up before the Lord seeing his own follies as defacing the face of the Savior.
Here is my very loose translation of one of the song which makes me longing for the Savior: ‘Jesus, Jesus, I wanted to be with you; Jesus, the One who loves me the most, I wanted to be with you. Shelter me till the end of adversities.’
Ability to Withhold Outburst:
We are being made able to withhold certain feelings of ours. In several situations, we need to withhold our outburst, or in the least welling up, to bring comfort to others, which is also the gift of God.
My father and I are alone, before he rested for eternity, in some season of his chemotherapy. I would wait; sometimes we’re unable to get a bed for my dad in the hospital, sat near him. There are very less things to talk about except the comfort of the Lord’s, which help us hold our tears.
Today, I still remember those days and revisiting them makes me teary-eyed. I could have been more inquiring about several things but it is the Holy Spirit who guided our thoughts in crucial moments. Even though I’d missed the presence of my late brother and father, it’s now necessary to hide my tears in the midst of my family members.
Moreover, we are now to live in full swing with the hope of resurrection as was promised and did by the Savior Jesus Christ. The comfort we had in Him, Christ the Savior, has given us the power to withhold our tears because of our grieving.
The Outburst I Don’t Want to Endorse:
In my decade long suffering of neurological disorder, there are days I had gone deep into myself. In some instances, it leads to out bursting due to my pain. The outburst due to physical pain is a little easier to bear but that resulted from insults and emotions are harder.
However, this is not the road I wanted to tread on. It’s an arduous task to avoid that route through and through. But it’s the kind of outburst, the route, I don’t want to endorse. Rather, I wanted to endorse the unconsumed ways of life, gifts of hope, comfort, caring, and loving nature of our Savior.
Endorsing the goodness of God is the agenda of my life. The outburst due to the goodness of God seen in the unlikely situations of life; where I often wonder the reasons for being in this situation. “You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.” (Psalms 56:8)
Should I know all the reasons for everything, I’d be on level with God. I accept my weakness and trust in abiding under the Sovereignty of my God, who called me ‘son’. When I understand things in its entirety, I’d be home with Him.
Empathizing Savior’s:
When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled. (John 11:33) And Jesus wept!
It doesn’t end here; he raised Lazarus from the dead because he loved the man. It is the day the glory of the Lord was revealed upon them. The glory of the Lord awaited the believers of His act of love.
Restrain your eyes from tears, from your weeping ways, the Lord will restore your disgraced youth, bring you back into your lands, in his appropriate timing. (Jeremiah 31)
In everything, my Savior is compassionate, empathizing, and his love abiding in nature. Praises be unto Him; the slain and resurrected son of God, in my place.
