The unreliability often associated with a person living with a chronic disorder is not a reflection of their character. It is a truth, but a misinterpreted self-care.
Living with a neurological disorder, while appearing to be very fit and well on the outside, I have faced situations and judgments or remarks that people seem to ignorantly pass on me.
When you live with a life-threatening chronic disorder, not necessarily a neurological disorder, you might have experienced certain remarks people made towards you. We have to learn to tolerate such things as we take the possible self-care.
It is this necessary self-care, last-minute plan cancellation, and inability to commit beforehand that can be misinterpreted by others as unreliability.
We have been living with fear and uncertainty– not wanting to end up in the ER or ICU in the hospital. Not only that, we too wanted to live as long as possible.
By this time now, I have lived with the theme, ‘You don’t have to explain everything,’ with everyone.
It’s never a wish that comes true: the brain fog, memory gaps, drowsiness, dizziness, mood changes, irritability ratio, and the cognitive slowing.
As much as possible, we often wanted to hide all these things along with the side effects of our medicine.
How to cope with being unreliable
Unbelievably, it is a blessing that coping with the unreliability of people or circumstances is a common theme in Scripture.
• The Bible acknowledges that human beings will often disappoint, but points to God’s unchanging character as a steady anchor. We must look towards God.
• Not fulfilling or a simple ‘No’ for the time being in church activities and societal events should not impact our inner spiritual being.
• We must shift our ultimate expectation, recognizing that people, even well-meaning ones, are flawed and prone to failure. They have their personal battle just like us.
• It is better to place our core reliance on God rather than demanding perfection from mortals. I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living. Psalm 27:13
• Set healthy boundaries, as dealing with people like us does not mean enduring chaos without limits.
• We may be inconsistent, yet Scripture encourages honesty and wisdom in relationships in our hearts. It is the heart that matters. Ephesians 4:15.
• Practice grace and forgiveness: Just as you need patience and forgiveness, the Bible advises releasing bitterness toward those who let you down, refusing to let our unreliability control your peace Colossians 3:13.
• Do not let people steal your peace because of their words and attitude towards us. Sometimes this let down my willingness to go to church. However, we must remember we are only worshipping the living God.
• Do not be people-pleasing; that is beyond our limit. Appeasement is not the policy, which might result in you missing out in action or appearing to be non-performing.
• Focus on your own faithfulness: Instead of reacting out of frustration, focus on being a reliable steward in the responsibilities God has placed in your hands. Luke 16:10
Living with Unreliability/Uncertainties:
The future cannot be completely predicted, controlled, or mapped out. Thus, almost everyone lived with uncertainty. But our problem is dealing with the immediate unreliability, as we are prone to certain attacks by our body itself.
It is because the human brain naturally treats the unknown as a threat; ambiguity often triggers stress, anxiety, and a compulsive urge to seek instant reassurance.
However, in the midst of the storm – the electrical storm in the brain- we often find calmness and peace only in the grace of the Lord.
Why Uncertainty is so Uncomfortable
The brain’s safety bias and survival mechanisms push the mind to assume worst-case scenarios when outcomes are blank. It feels like something very huge is going to happen, as if I’d be shut down with no finite result of restarting well.
Striving for absolute certainty leads to exhausting habits like over-planning, over-researching, or repeatedly checking for mistakes. This often leads to going back to past life mistakes and the route that might have been taken if we were in a different position meeting different people.
Many people confuse the physical sensation of feeling uncomfortable with something actually being wrong. It is this discomfort that the danger of the physical being brought along as a gift of life.
Navigating Unreliability
Rather than the worries of life beyond what we can do, it is better to focus on what we can control, even if it is too little. We should separate actionable steps from uncontrollable variables, putting our energy only where it makes a real difference.
One must not dwell in the past nor overthink the future. We may use our available sensory awareness, such as noticing sights, sounds, or physical breath, to step out of mental travel into the future or cocoon of the past. Yet it is often too difficult in practice.
We may practice a little exposure, thereby building emotional resilience by intentionally tolerating small everyday ambiguities—like sending an email without re-reading it ten times or trying a new routine.
Detoxing unreliability:
While unreliability and uncertainties cannot be detoxed by means of detoxing certain hangovers and toxins due to chemical reactions in the body cells, there is a way.
You may schedule a “Worry Time” that contains anxious ruminations by designating a specific 10-to-15-minute window each day to process worries rather than letting them bleed into every hour.
Although people laughed at me when I talked about it. This habit is one of the many that renewed my energy into the positive side of it. You may laugh at all the remarks, the competitions in life – not loudly, but to yourself like a madman.
However, if it helps, nothing matters about the perception of others. There is always a bright side to life.
In the end, those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary; they will walk and not be faint.” Isaiah 40:31
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