I was doubted. Not once, but several times.
For an instance, once we were deeply engrossed in chatting with my potential relatives. We talked about the sleepless yet precious nights I’ve spent at the small prayer cabin in 2002.
“Do you accept Jesus Christ as your personal Saviour and Lord back then?” doubted the person about me.
I don’t know if I should be fine with this nor did I know I should do something. Needless to say, my response was positive. But just before that I keep dodging the question, sometimes I can behave in a very strange way.
So, I simply dodged the question on the spot by responding, ‘you tell me….’ and ‘what do you think or what is your opinion?’
It is because the question comes from a person who claims to be of having strong faith in the same God as me. Yes, maybe I didn’t live it out!
This implies certain things to me as I think back on the incident. We will talk about that later on. Now let me put forward my status at the time:
Well, I was born in a Christian family, I don’t want to use the word ‘good’ to describe my family either, we’re very opinionated these days. My grandfather taught me the foundation of Christianity. He introduced the scriptures to me before I could read.
Most of the creation, fall of man, and the stories that followed in the Bible were my bedtime stories Around the time, my grandfather who was among the first-generation pastor in our community helped me cover almost part of the scriptures, day after day and night after night.
It actually was my father who taught me the way of bringing me to repentance as a sinner, seeking forgiveness, and accepting Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior. He, at his level, loves to evangelize.
Beyond my father’s help, it was in 1998 I responded to an altar called so that I too become the source of living water for myself and others. These two events were important to me in my first journey toward discipleship.
Since then, I never doubted the presence and existence of God. I did not doubt myself to be his heir apparent – becoming his true son. I called him Abba Father when I called on him.
Although I still have a father, I am spending time in communion with my true father who created me like him, loved, and rescued me when I was in the prayer cabin.
I remember my time with my dear departed father as I talked about this.
Doubting others:
Yes, we may question the faith of a person without trespassing their privacy if we have any doubt. Maybe we can help them if needed. I agree with that.
However, without being in a good relationship, we cannot simply pour out our hearts to someone who would listen.
We must also remember we cannot always the right one. Faith and God are personal. We cannot impose our ideas and beliefs on others. Can we expect other Christians to be exactly like us? I don’t think so. I need your opinion.
Spiritually, we may not be at the same level. If one follows God wholeheartedly but does not meet the standards of the contemporary worshipping community, I’m trying to be polite here in choosing my words, we may cause unwanted harm to other Christians. That is one of the Christian dilemmas.
Doubting someone’s act of faith:
Christians today are becoming judgmental. Some are ‘provoked by the spirit’ in a good way but different and not in conformity with our methodologies of worship and behaviour.
Coming back to the incident I came across, many times I did not blame the one who doubt me. It suggests my behaviour or etiquette might not have reflected the face of Christ. And I accept that.
However, it is good to know that there are sections of people who wholeheartedly follow Christ in their capacity and capabilities as Christian.
As much as I wanted to listen and be encouraged by the learned preacher, I am also inspired, but also enjoy the sermon of a person who has no access to modern material. They strongly depended on the interpretation of the scriptures solely with the help of the spirit, as they also strive to achieve their goal as a believer.
Yes, my prayers in that prayer cabin were answered. But I lacked the wisdom to go on! Somehow, I got lost in the middle. And, some of the answers must be on the way.
Doubting prayers:
Doubting prayers might be almost equivalent to not praying. Still, it is a matter of spiritual warfare, so I lack the authority and knowledge to talk about it.
Ask, as if you already received it. Before they call (me) I will answer while they were speaking I will hear, declares the Lord through Isaiah 65:24 It is about the willingness and the opportunity as the son of the almighty.
Doubting faith and relations:
Another important of Christian life I wanted to emphasize here is our faith and relations. Do we remain in doubt about our faith and relations while becoming a follower of Christ’s teaching? Without having a strong bond, and not building our foundation on the rock we won’t last long. Then all our efforts will be in vain.
What is the foundation of our relationship with God? Is it through the sacrificial act of his only son? John 3:16 Some people called themselves followers of a certain religion but doubted the existence of God. We must not be as shallow as that. From that day, when I believe my name is recorded in the book of life, I decided to follow Jesus. What about you? It’s your choice, we’re given free will on this matter.
Doubting me:
I am a Christian. I must not sin anymore. But I’m prone to my sinning ways. Sometimes it’s difficult to fight the Tempter. I have no excuse but to look back with remorse, regret, and repentance.
However, even if I may have sinned, I cannot be there for eternity. I have to get up from where I am. I will go back to my father and beg forgiveness. and if he may forgive me in his grace, and I’d be his again. There were times people think I’m very much depressed. Yes, I am! But the inner joy of the Lord is my strength. It’s funny how life throws you around. But we’re fine, I mean it!
Overcome Doubts:
Yet that’s not a very simple thing to do. It involves lots of pain and trauma. Further, this doesn’t guarantee me to sin and ask forgiveness over and over. The Lord looked after the heart of a man. If I ever doubt myself, I will need to look in the mirror.
We have faith and hope but we can be still depressive. Yet we will be rescued and he’ll lead us to the still waters. I know I am precious in God’s hands.
I will never doubt the love and grace of God nor his might and power.
