The morning air was heavy, my body still weary, from our visit hometown visit in the countryside. City life and its atmospheric pressure are heavy and tiresome, especially the quality of the air we breathe, in our city. I’m less energized than expected as I woke up in the morning. It was June – outside temperature touching up to 43 degree Celsius.
June 16, this year, is Father’s Day. I could not make up my mind whether to go to church or not, on that moody morning. My children raring to go, their mother nagging me as usual. I should be leading in this matter, I said to myself. Feeling under the weather, I remained idle, testing the patience of people around me.
It was almost late when I finally made the decision of attending our church service, some 22 kilometers away. Admitting my inept behavior, I quickly dressed up, took the car key, and drove off towards our church. On the way, we hardly talk but I need to re-assured my children we won’t be late. And, we reached there almost in time.
Father’s Day Reflections:
First, this father’s day, again, we’re missing my dad and my elder brother, whose tombstone I had visited during our trip to hometown. My brother and sister are all grown up by now. But thinking about the future of my brother’s children who reside in the house gave me a feeling of uncertainty, as they are still very young. We want good things to happen yet we do not know what lies in the future.
Second, I have been reading books before, and articles on the role of a ‘good father’ the past week before father’s day. On reading such articles, written by both feminist and male chauvinist, most of them focus on the role of a good father as ‘leading the house’ in all respect. However, my interest is more on articles are written with Christian perspectives by famous preachers.
Ostensibly, most of the writers and authors, per my personal analysis, ended with the father supposing to be the leading figure in the house but consistent care towards his family members. This, however, left me with a vacuum in my heart, making me insecure. I have not been that leading figure many times, especially because of my weak health, financial issues of a stay-at-home-dad, unable to carry out important decisions, and the likes.
###
Third, having been too limited handling of issues – internal and external, which might disturb the family foundation at my small family level and in my father’s households. Let me admit it here for a moment that I have kept myself lowly on matters outside the family since I quit my job to become a stay-at-home-dad. In the modern world, the more you have less money in your hand; the less you’ve been taken seriously.
It’s ugly but it’s the truth. And, I need to let go of my dreams while holding onto some with that very little faith I had Jesus Christ.
Sometimes, living the way we chose to live and the way we didn’t choose but made to live in the pit, can be quite depressing.
But everything has its end – the good phase the bad phase. When the time is right, our God would pulled us out of the pit. Our God will lead us into the right track where we’d keep on running with strength from above.
Fourth, my seven-year-old son had made me a handmade Father’s day card for me. Very curious and delighted, I read what he had written inside it. It reads:
Pa, Happy Father’s Day! Pa, ka neu apan non ompih a, ka kipak!
(Dad, Thank you for being with me since I was a small child!)
It lifted my spirit once again!
Worry Not:
At this level now you can see why I can be worry or why I needn’t worry. While we were living on this earth, we need many; our wants unlimited. It can make us weary, sometimes less willing to go on. Not giving up, but very less enthusiastic about living our life.
In this materialistic world, known or unknown, we are affected by what is happening around us. I wanted to give my children everything they wanted. I don’t want them to feel inferior at school because of their dresses either. I want them educated so they serve the Lord with their wisdom wherever they are.
And, I know I worry a lot about my future as well. My communion with God in the midst of life helped me. When you can’t carry out even a small task, it hurts. But by now, things are going to get better. I can somehow feel it. My grandfather’s wish and my will to serve God in some ways will be fulfilled.
The Lord is our faithful provider. We are valuable than the sparrows:
“Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can anyone of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?”
“But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” (Matthew 6:26,33,34)
Living in every sphere of life can be challenging. We are hugely affected by what’s happening around us. We wanted to be what we are not. There is hardly satisfaction in our life.
Satisfaction comes along in different forms: when we are valued; when we value what we did; when we aren’t selfish; when we accept people as they are; when we don’t try to be superior, and many more. But most importantly, we rest our heart with God.
Allow my heart to rest in You
Oh my God, I’ve been tossed
In the vastness of the sea of life
Hold my hand; keep me calm
Here I am, O my faithful Lord
Waiting for you to lift me up
Do not let me get carried away
Until I serve Your plan for me
Hide me in You, I pray.
