I have not been a good person, and I can’t do more damage to my integrity as a believer.
Not that I wanted to run away from the start, but I needed to make up my mind. There were options to just remain on the run. However, I will know what I am doing.
When I joined the organization, I knew it was a transferable job. And, I have given my consent or agreement to follow the stipulated rules.
Moreover, I need to earn money at least to look after myself and the family we’re about to start.
The dream was big! My confidence level was high. My health was not at its best, but better than what I am now.
Not on the run:
In the run of life, I do not want to be on the run. I have consulted several seniors. I read the options from the service rules.
In the interim, my health worsened. It was difficult to maintain and life balance with the birth of our children.
I have almost used up my paid leave. I can go on leave without pay, but the days will not be enough for me. It may be hard to produce genuine reasons and paperwork for my employer.
My surgery and serious health issues came a little late. It could have been used as a reason to cling to my job, although I’m not sure if that’ll be good for my future mental well-being.
I don’t want to live a dented life with less integrity as a believer in Christ.
One day, my children will learn about me. Then, I wouldn’t have a befitting reply to their queries.
Not on the run anymore:
I can’t be on the run forever. I will need to somehow clean up all the mess.
While I will retain my social status and financial stability at some level, I know I can’t be on the run from the home front as well as the work front.
On the home front, we were unable to arrange a maid for our newborn. Also, a nursery or Cratch School for a newborn was not available to us.
Thus, I decided I would not be on the run from home or from the job when I handed the resignation letter to my employer.
I have hope that I will take care of my child for a while, as my wife was working. Then, I may be able to change my career. And, being at home doesn’t guarantee success for my children, but I believe I’ll be happy to look back on giving my time to them.
Not absconding:
Absconding, another word for being on the run, or appearing as absconding, was on the card. I am grateful to have friends who suggest me for their support.
But while I am here, very present and alive, how can I remain absconding with this guilty feeling?
At times, I found that it was silly of me to think that way. I have taken life too seriously or unnecessarily.
However, if I did not live out what I believe for good, I might be haunted for life.
We’re a helpless couple at that time, but I believe God will lead us to his sanctuary with more of his praise at the right time.
On the run and back:
Onesimus, a servant in the house of Philemon, knowingly tried to disregard Christian teaching.
He decides to rob his master, in favor of envy and sin, and flee to Rome, to reinvent himself. It will be quite an achievement and an understood feat at that time.
Yet the influence of God is not easily fled. He changed his heart when he heard Apostle Paul preach the ‘qualm of conscience,’ realizing his low spirit and confessing his wrong motives for forgiveness.
Onesimus later becomes the trusted man Paul described him as, “I am also sending Onesimus, a faithful and beloved brother, one of your people. He and Tychicus will tell you everything that’s happening here.” Colossians 4:9
Jonah on the run:
I don’t intend to include him. But Jonah suddenly crept up when you think of someone who’s on the run from God to his confession. Jonah 1:3-6, 1:9-12
His story, I believe, must be on a purpose, for us to learn the way of living in God’s presence.
I wrote about it in my book, A New Journey, outlining the steps a Christian can take to lead a new life.
His task was to deliver the Lord’s message to the people of Nineveh.
His story is compelling, looking at the context, time, and date of his commission. But he did return.
How can I run away?
While on the run, running away, playing with the rules, bending the rules, and seeking refuge in the loopholes of the rules and authority seem enticing, a sane person cannot run away from all of these.
We may be on the run in our earthly journey, but the Lord knows us well, which is both comforting and enlightening.
Here is an excerpt from the Psalmist in his relationship with his Creator:
Where shall I go from your Spirit?
Or where shall I flee from your presence?
If I ascend to heaven, you are there!
If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there!
If I take the wings of the morning
and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,
Even there your hand shall lead me,
And your right hand shall hold me.
If I say, “Surely the darkness shall cover me,
and the light about me is night,”
Even the darkness is not dark to you;
The night is as bright as the day,
For darkness is as light with you.
For you formed my inward parts;
You knitted me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Wonderful are your works;
My soul knows it very well.
My frame was not hidden from you
when I was being made in secret,
intricately woven in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed substance;
In your book were written, every one of them,
the days that were formed for me,
when as yet there was none of them.
How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!
Were I to count them, they are more than the sand.
I awake, and I am still with you.
Psalms 139
Not on the run:
I can’t be on the run throughout my life, so I had to leave some of the things behind me. I wanted to be a good runner in the race of life. That, too, in the eyes of my Creator.
I have written a long note on life after resigning from the bank, which I still keep to myself.
Life is fragile and precious – it is beautiful when we live it to the fullest. Our dream life is always changing.
God will find you one day! And that’s inevitable. We must be prepared using our free will purposefully.
